Don’t Trust Others: If You Dislike Them, Report Them

Since I don’t live in London anymore (and haven’t been there since last October), I hadn’t heard about the Metropolitan Police’s latest insane ad campaign to basically inform us that we should be suspicious of everyone and everything (you can see the ads here), and the fact that it also ties in with the way that Britain is now a place where anyone with a camera can be hassled and threatened with criminal prosecution for simply taking a picture in a public place. It’s the kind of thing that really makes me keen on moving to another country, and makes me angry – because in so many respects, the ‘War against Terror’ has already been lost because, frankly, the terrorists set out to cause terror, and that’s exactly what they’ve done. And the Government’s response is more security, more paranoia, and more ways of making the general populace frightened, paranoid, and likely to turn on anyone just because they’re different.

(As an aside – on my recent air trip (to Cornwall, obviously a terrorism hot-spot), I had to throw away a tube of hair-gel I’d accidentally left in my hand luggage. Not news, of course, but it was mostly empty – the amount in the tube was well below the limit they set but, in one of those feats of nonsense there’s just no point in arguing with, the limit is determined by the amount that the tube was designed to take. And when are these rules finally going to be relaxed? Never, because there’s never going to be a point when anyone can say conclusively that the War on Terror is over. It all just makes me want to throw my hands up in the air…)

Anyhow – I wouldn’t have heard about this if it wasn’t for wonderful blog BoingBoing, and they’ve just put up a selection of remixes of the posters, many of which are quite brilliant. Have a look, enjoy, and let’s just hope that the downward spiral doesn’t continue. I was always hoping the future would turn out to be 2001: A Space Odyssey – unfortunately, it’s looking more like Terry Gilliam’s classic dystopia Brazil…

Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

Yes, I’m still here – I still exist, and fairly soon I will be doing some updates that aren’t simply an excuse for me to go on about TV shows. For now, at least, here’s some important news for your edification on the current advances in Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs, plus the recent report on Prague’s Franz Kafka International Airport being voted ‘World’s Most Alienating Airport’. Enjoy…

Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

Prague’s Franz Kafka International Named World’s Most Alienating Airport

Innocent When You Dream

You know those moments, when you hear a ‘best of’ album, and you immediately think “Uh-oh – I’m going to need to get all of these albums, aren’t I?” They don’t happen very often, but when they do you remember them. For example, about three months ago, I picked up a Tom Waits compilation covering what’s safely referred to as his ‘Jazz’ period, the 1973-1980 section of his career when he was at his most accessible and not quite diving into the deep end of weird. As detailed here, I was already aware of Waits but this was my first serious sampling of his music and I really liked what I heard – not quite enough to have me diving for an album, but enough so that the compilation had plenty of plays on my Ipod. But, of course, there’s a big dividing line in Waits’ career, and it happens on the 1982 Swordfishtrombones, and I wasn’t yet sure if I was up to jumping over that line. So, when last week Fopp had a copy of Beautiful Maladies, a ‘best of’ that covers Waits’ more experimental Island Record years (from 1982 through to 1994) for the princely sum of £3, I decided to take the plunge (along with a copy of Waits album The Black Rider, also for £3) – and the fact that I’ve since picked up Swordfishtrombones and 1992’s Bone Machine, and I would have grabbed Rain Dogs as well if it was there should tell you how much I liked what I heard.

It’s one of those experiences where you end up wondering what the hell took you so long, as Waits’ bizarre experimentalism is exactly my kind of crazy. He stretches the idea of a ‘difficult listen’ even more here than he ever did during the ‘Used Songs’ compilation, and if anything really sold me, it’s the tracks from 1985’s Rain Dogs – the sinister prowling rythmns of ‘Clap Hands’, the oddball funk of ‘Jockey Full of Bourbon’, and above everything else there’s the absolutely bloody demented ‘Singapore’, a crazed sea-shanty that – for reasons I find impossible to describe – keeps making me think of a really menacing version of King Louie from The Jungle Book singing about going on shore leave and yelling ‘Heave Away, boys!’ I’ve always loved music that doesn’t just burble along in the background but actually takes you on a journey, that builds a world and shifts your perspective in odd angles, and that’s the absolute definition of what Waits does here. There are also some of the most gorgeously crafted lyrics I’ve ever heard, lines that leap out of the song and into your consciousness, resonating in really strange ways, while what he does with percussion and orchestration frankly boggles the mind. There are ‘normal’ tracks on Beautiful Maladies, but it’s the weirder outings that really stick in the mind, or the complete about-turns into quiet soulfulness, like the distant gramphone sounds of ‘Innocent When You Dream (78)’, or the perfectly crafted ‘Johnsburg, Illinois’, which manages to do a wonderful love song in one minute and thirty three seconds.

I’ve been mainly sticking with the compilation so far, I have to admit, and am slowly exploring the albums – The Black Rider is particularly strange (but then, you read the liner notes which tell you it’s from a play co-written by William Burroughs and suddenly everything makes sense), but I’m loving what I hear, and for every track that makes me go ‘huh?’, there’s one that inspires me, intrigues me or just plain enchants me. I may not get hold of Waits’ entire back catalogue, but something tells me I’m not done yet. I can fully understand why Waits inspires the kind of dedication that he does, and there’s a freshness to the music on Beautiful Maladies that’s amazing, along with a tinge of familiarity that suggests exactly how many times he’s been ripped off by other artists. These are the kind of songs that speak to you, that mean more than just verse chorus verse, chorus instrumental chorus fade. They’re srange and creepy, weird and sexy, taking you on a bizarre, carnival-like tour of apocalyptic junkyards, broken down souls and how the world looks through the bottom of a whisky glass. I’m just slightly vexxed at myself that I took this long to get into the Kingdom of Waits. And to sum up, here’s music journo Gary Mulholland talking about Swordfishtrombones in his excellent book ‘Fear of Music – The 261 Greatest Albums Since Punk and Disco’:

“There are fifteen songs here that shoot by in under forty two minutes, in an ugly-beautiful blur of untehered textures and linguistic coups that made Waits the most respected composer of his age, and the writer of novelistic mystery plays that mean something different to everyone who falls under their spell. For me, it’s hungry hobos performing threepenny ballet to the strains of a Salvation Army Band giving a recital in the rubble of a broken town with no station and a surplus of pungent mongrels. I didn’t know I wanted to visit until Tom took me there.”

The Arena of the Unwell

Well, it was only a matter of time. Illness has descended – I’ve been feeling rough for the past week and having difficulty sleeping, but this morning I woke up with an upset stomach at 2.30am and knew I wasn’t getting back to sleep. As a result, I found myself watching this weeks episode of Heroes (nothing worth getting excited about), this week’s episode of Chuck (only the second episode I’ve watched so far of the second season, and it doesn’t look like I’ve missed anything), and I also finally got back to watching Season 1 of Rome (which was as impressive as ever – and it was also the episode with the Gladiator combat, which was brilliantly done and one of the most genuinely gory things I’ve seen in a while – HBO shows always push the boat out when they do that kind of thing). I’ve taken it easy today, and am starting to feel better – I did also manage to get most of the work I needed to complete done, and am currently bouncing between exhausted and perky. I’m going to stay up as late as I can, simply because I’d like to have something resembling a decent’s nights sleep. Only time will tell, of course…

As a brief addendum, I’ve now added to my collection of Fake Album Covers (and may be doing some more once I get some of my current work out of the way) – only four new ones, but I’m rather proud of them, especially oddball Euro-folk album ‘Nobody Listens’ by Karl-Friedrich Muller (for which I went as far as creating an entire tracklisting, most of which still makes me titter to think about – everything from ‘Loneliness and Antlers’ to ‘Kill Me for a Biscuit’. If you want a look, you’ll find them here.

Meme Attack

Okay- I’ve just had a rather fun evening doing the latest Facebook meme, which requires access to Photoshop, or a similar image-editing software. Basically, through a completely random process (via Wikipedia and other sites) you assemble a fake record cover for a non-existant album (using a random band name, a random quote for a title, and a random image) and considering my history of doing over-enthusiastically designed CD mixdiscs and compilations, this is something I’ve taken to rather enthusiastically. I’m sure I’ll be doing more soon, but I’ve done nine so far – and although it isn’t in the rules of the meme, I’ve also created little biographies for each of the fictional bands. It’s all turned out rather fun, so if you’d like to find out about Asian Lesbian Network’s acclaimed fourth album, or Christian Japanese rock band Hotaru, or french Electro-pop duo Bonk, then click here…

Dig Your Own Hole

Updates aren’t very frequent, mainly because the Uber-Ultra-Secret Project is currently eating my life. I don’t know if it’s the lack of anything major to distract me (both in a positive and a negative way) or if it’s simply that I’m becoming obsessed, but it’s certainly getting very difficult to not work on it. I’m feeling the need to write as a compulsion which, to be honest, kind of new for me – I’m usually exceptionally good at finding excuses not to, but at the moment I can barely be stopped. I’ve got some proofreading coming up this week, which is going to help take my mind off things for a while (structure is sometimes very, very useful), and I’ve worked out that with all the money I’ve got coming in, I can currently survive up until the beginning of July – admittedly, that’s on a damnably tight budget and not really having anything that closely resembles a ‘life’, but it’s also meaning I can do things like my work on the Secret Project, and that I’m not going to have to go and get a horrible day job quite yet (My fingers are remaining crossed that this doesn’t end…). So for now, this is me- poised at my keyboard, and typing like the very forces of hell are right behind me.

On a musical note, I’ve actually been able to pick up a stack of CDs in the last month or so for extremely equitable prices (the highest price I paid for any of them was £3) – I’ve notched up Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys (which is possibly a little too retro for my tastes), Neon Bible by Arcade Fire (big, epic, passionate and doomy, it’s widescreen rock that’s a long way from the kind of middle-of-the-road nonsense that currently pollutes the airwaves), Ta-Dah by Scissor Sisters (which I think has to be officially labelled as a disappointment – I love their first album, but this is very samey, and I’ve yet to make it all the way through without getting bored), Pretty Odd by Panic at the Disco (exceeedingly Beatles-esque and very good fun, but it’s not quite varied enough to work as a Sgt. Pepper take-off – once I get beyond the halfway point, all the songs start sounding the same), The Black Parade is Dead! by My Chemical Romance (A Live album which is pretty good, and I’m developing a bizarre soft spot for MCR, slightly helped by the fact that the comic book MCR frontman Gerard Way is writing – The Umbrella Academy – is damn good stuff), Dig Your Own Hole by The Chemical Brothers – (A massive, huge electro album that’s epic enough to excuse the couple of tracks that are really just burbly filler – climactic track ‘The Private Psychedelic Reel’ is like a galaxy-warping cross between ‘Tomorrow Never Knows’ by the Beatles and the ‘Through the Stargate’ sequence from 2001: A Space Oddyssey), Greatest Hits Volume 2 by Madonna (Nowhere near as good as The Immaculate Collection – also covers a much smaller time and shows that between Vogue and the ‘Ray of Light’ album, she really didn’t do much of note. It was £1.50, that’s my excuse…), Speakerboxxx/The Love Below by Outkast (an absurdly sprawling double album that’s far too long and simultaneously shows everything that’s both right and wrong with US hip hop/R+B – the comedy interludes get wearing, and there’s a bit too much jazz noodling on The Love Below, but there’s also some genuinely brilliant stuff here, and Speakerboxxx is a fantastically listenable rap album crammed to bursting with hooks. I liked this a lot more than I expected, and if they’d sliced it down to one album it would be downright amazing), and Parade by Prince and the Revolution (An album that has the bad luck to be the ‘soundtrack’ to Prince’s bloody awful movie Under The Cherry Moon – especially annoying since it’s an absolutely brilliant album, showcasing exactly how good a musician Prince was back in his mid-Eighties glory days (and, I would say, how much better he was with decent collaborators. Things weren’t quite the same once Wendy & Lisa jumped ship and the ‘Revolution’ ended).It’s the kind of album that runs the gamut of almost every available style, and among the camp funk and gorgeous pop (this is the album where you’ll find ‘Kiss’), there’s also ‘Sometimes It Snows In April’, an absolute heartbreaker of a ballad that once again persuades me that melancholy strikes a strong chord with me at the moment…). I think that’ll be enough to occupy me for a while…