Twelve months ago today, my life changed.

It’s been exactly a year since I moved to Manchester, since I separated from my wife, and since my life changed in a whole variety of significant ways. My current torrent of work hasn’t given me much time for reflection, which is possibly a good thing – but above everything else, I think I’m just proud of the fact that I made it through the last twelve months. Back on September 29th 2008, I had no idea exactly what I was going to do, whether I was going to be able to earn a regular living from proofreading books (considering that I’d only done it about three times) and – once the dust had settled from the move, and I had a chance to actually understand what had happenned, the main thing I can remember is just the horrible feeling that I didn’t know what my life was for, anymore. I was on my own, and I felt so horribly broken that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to put myself back together again.

And you know what? I survived. It wasn’t easy – and there are still plenty of times when I really don’t like being on my own, but I’m coping with it and, in my own way, I’m enjoying it. The most important thing I’m telling myself is to make certain the positives outweigh the negatives, and while there might be a lot I’d like to change about my current existance, I can happily say that there is more good than bad. And I’m engaged in a whole series of projects and activities to try and get myself the life that I truly want – they may take a long time, but I think I’m okay with that right now. I’m doing well – I’m surviving both psychologically and financially, and I’m making new friends and acquaintances – my life may not be a social whirl of non-stop activity, but I am fitting in my fair share of fun, and one of the nicest things about the Gollancz party last Thursday was simply being able to spend an evening hanging out with an extensive crowd of people, a large proportion of which were really happy to see me.

In short, I’m doing well. I’m surviving. And while there are points where the echoes from last year, and from the rest of my marriage, still hurt – but they don’t hurt as badly. The injuries are healing. They’re never going to completely go away, but they are gradually fading, and I’m feeling like I can cope. I don’t know where I’m going to be in 12 months time – but considering I survived the last twelve months, I have a certain degree of confidence. And if I am still staying with Anna, still chipping away at the bigger problems in life, still inhabiting the wilds of Manchester… then that’s okay. I’m liking Manchester more and more – to the extent that, if and when I’m able to get a place of my own, I might actually settle in Manchester for a little while, if only as an interim stage. Nothing definite, of course, but I’m leaving lots of possibilities open.

So tonight, I’m relaxing, and drinking a pleasant glass of white wine. Things may go up, or they may go down – but I’m going to survive.

I’m happy tonight. And I hope you are, too.

The sound you can hear is me breaking the sound barrier. At least, it damn well feels like I am at the moment.

Had a wonderful, wonderful time at the Gollancz party. You know you’ve had a good time when the evening just seems to end far too quickly. Met tons of people. Had some wonderful conversations. Wish I could do a more in-depth report, but I’m too busy and too tired at the moment – so here’s some that other people did here, here and here, and some from the lovely Liz of the My Favourite Books blog (in which I get a very nice mention) here.

There’s proofing to be done. There’s articles to be finished. There’s reading to get through.

It’s all good. But wow, it’s busy.

There will be a proper update soon, when the world stops spinning.

I’d very much like at this point to tell you all about Fantasycon, and my insane workload, and all the things I’ve gotten up to over the past few days. But I’m limited by the fact that I am absurdly, ridiculously tired. I’ve had two solid days of work, I’ve got another tomorrow, and then on Thursday I’m speeding into London for the Gollancz party. I’ve got a mountain of proofreading to do, I’ve got two mini-articles to do for SFX, and everything is busy, and dazzling, and life seems to be being reduced to a dizzying blur. It’s good, but it’s all a bit fast.

And so, Fantasycon in quickly delivered bullet points:

* My first visit to Fantasycon. Had lots of fun, although I think I prefer the slightly sprawling and more wide-ranging programme of Eastercon.
* Nottingham is a slightly odd mixture of everyday British town and serious history. Visited Nottingham Castle, and saw lots of Robin Hood-related statuary.
* Played a wonderful game of pool, where I actually succeeded in potting a few balls. More to do with fate than skill, I think…
* Met a wide variety of fun people, including an New Zealander ex-singer turned writer (Jordan Reyne) who used to do fascinating ‘narrative soundscapes’ (or concept albums) based on bits of New Zealand history. She gave me a CD, and it’s actually very good stuff.
* Attended the con Banquet on the Saturday, and discovered that while the company is good, hotel banquets aren’t always the best choice for decent food…
* Stayed up late. Had fun. And didn’t spend too much money.

Now, I must away. Too much to do. Not enough time to do it…

And I’m back. A very good weekend has been had – it all went extremely quickly (which is usually a good sign), hung out with some splendid people, soaked up an atmosphere of eccentric politeness, and generally had heaps of fun. To be honest, it was just enough to see everybody’s costumes – the amount of effort people put in was quite staggering, and despite taking my camera I didn’t actually take a gigantic number of pictures simply because it was almost a case of overload – everywhere you looked, there was something amazing to look at, from uniforms to waistcoats to a boggling number of corsets. I’m certainly glad I wasn’t able to spend much money, as the dealer’s room could easily have been very financially painful if I’d let it, and like all events that are being run for the first time there were moments that worked and moments that didn’t, but it all went very well – except for the bit where, thanks to a hideously complicated bit of tomfoolery on my part, I got myself locked out of my accomodation for the night. Thankfully, I was able to come up with a solution quickly and didn’t spend the night wandering the streets of Lincoln, but it was certainly proof that (a) you can expect the unexpected and (b) there is no end to the ways I can find to make my life more complicated.

Four days of frenetic proofreading will follow, and then I’m off to Fantasycon. And then I’m back for three days. And then I’m off to the Gollancz party.

Gulp…

I’m currently experiencing the general sensation of that bit on a rollercoaster where you ease slowly up to the first very big dip – basically the last chance you have before your thoughts get reduced to a fairly primal level of “AHHHH!!!!” Admittedly, life isn’t quite that extreme at the moment, but I am staring straight at two phenomenally busy weeks – tomorrow, I’m setting off for a weekend at The Asylum, a steampunk weekender that’s taking place in Lincoln (for some shots of me in the final version of my costume, go here). Next weekend I’ve got Fantasycon in Nottingham. The week after that, I’m speeding down to London for an incredibly swift visit, and the yearly Gollancz Autumn party. And inbetween all this, I’ve got to fit in a massive amount of proofreading – a delayed bit of work (which I was supposed to spend most of this week doing) didn’t turn up until yesterday, and it’s also nearly 150 pages longer than I expected (and my expectation was pretty damn large already). So, my life is going to be work, and socialising, and very little else. I have the feeling I may spend most of October lying in a corner making dazed noises. I’m looking forward to it, though, and while I will attempt to update whenever I can, be assurred that if there’s silence for the next two weeks, it isn’t because I’m miserable, or because nothing’s going on – I’ll just be waiting for the world to slow down so I can finally catch my breath…

I’m back from Cornwall. Well, officially I’ve been back since Wednesday, but this is the first point where I’ve actually felt like I’m properly sorted – I’ve spent a big chunk of the last couple of days sorting out my room, tidying, doing the shopping, and preparing for what promises to be a pretty damn busy September. I’ve got a reasonable amount of work to do this week – and then I’ve got some proofreading arriving at the end of this week. I’ve got just under three weeks to do it – and I’ve also got the Asylum Steampunk weekender at Lincoln one weekend, and Fantasycon in Nottingham the next weekend. And then, just after the proofreading is finished, I’ve got a lightning-fast trip to London for the Gollancz Autumn party on the 24th of September. And then, possibly, I will collapse in a corner and not move for a while. But not until then…

I’ve also got writing to do. I’m not going to let the fact that I’m going to be busy derail me. There’s lots to do, and not too much time to do it…