An A4 envelope went in the post today, with the first copy of my non-fiction book proposal. This thing didn’t even exist two weeks ago, and now it’s on its way to an editorial director. Okay, it probably won’t get any further, but the last time I felt like this was 1997, when I took a ridiculous gamble on an idea that I knew couldn’t possibly work, and then suddenly found myself in meetings at production companies feeling spectacularly out of my depth. I haven’t actually taken these kind of chances in a very, very long time, and I think there’s a small chance that they might actually work. I’m making slow progress on the novel, as well- at the moment, I’m trusting to my instincts, and just trying to get the spine of the book down so that I can stop worrying about the basic characterisations and start building the world around them. Some might think that it would be wise to have everything in my head first and not just a vague idea of where I’m going- but I’d far rather build as I go. And, at heart, this is for me anyway. Things might change spectacularly in a few months anyhow- life is always on a razor’s edge, I’m just feeling it a bit more than usual.
I’ve also got to find better ways of dealing with negativity and anger. George and I had what could technically be referred to as a major upset on Monday, and although there were reasons why it happenned… it also made me realise exactly how much I care about her, and how much I want this to work. The trouble is, we’re still getting used to the dynamics of living together, and finding ways of dealing with negative feelings without taking it out on everyone within range is a difficult, tricky thing. I have no idea what the future holds, but I want to try and handle it with a grin, a wink, and a hey nonny nonny.
Next week really needs to be a writing week. I want to try and get myself into a rhythmn- while I didn’t really manage anything on Sunday (I had a screening, and was concentrating on the book proposal), Monday ended up going quite well, and I hit the right level of energy. I want to do that again, and I want to do some new stuff for Division X as well- I’ve been told that I should think about sending out some of the stories up there- which feels weird. I don’t even know what they are, and I like not knowing what they are. I think, for the moment, that I should not worry, relax, and try and write some more weird shit. Might be good for me.