Another quick treat for Christmas morn – here, nicked from obscure US radio station WFMU’s blog, is a fantastically bizarre version of ‘A Visit From Saint Nicholas’ (better, if erroneously, known as ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’), livened up by being fed through various internet translation engines by a very tortuous route (The sequence was, apparently, English to German to French to Italian to Spanish to Italian to French to German to English), turning a seasonal classic into a slightly brain-frying piece of absurdist beat poetry.

A VISIT OF SACRED NICOLÁS

This was Christmas, according to everything for the house,
before the night a creature was not enthusiastic, so not a rat.
The ground floors were hung chimney before her
Main interest, in the hopes, this Saint nicholas would be there soon.

The children are crouching quite heartily for itself in formed her,
during visions of the sugar plums into its heads he danced.
And mommy in her tissue and me in my cap,
if our brains were satisfied alone with the nap of a long winter.

If there from on the blanket a certain tick bore,
I have my bed jumped in order to see she that he, the matter, was.
I steered street at the window to a lightning,
if it has geabrissen, you process the door,
and he threw into the air, I mutilate she.

The moon on the breast of the new redeemable snow
if it gave the at noon clarity to the objects this he too much at
the rear so my he eyes, that they are amazed,
but a miniature sleigh and eight inferior reindeers.

With a small old chauffeur, much I lives and fast, soon,
I knew that is he the Saint hit must.
Faster than eagles, their courses, from that this she would have come,
and he whistled, and it screamed, and she reminded them of her Names:

“Now dasher! Now dancers!
Now prancer and he hides!
Since above comet! Since above cupid!
Since above ton and lance of the lightnings!
At the top of the column hall!
At the top of the wall!
Now dies eclipsed! Eclipsed dead person!
Each deceased overshadowed!”

As drily this before the tornado fly the leaves wildly,
if they find an obstacle, mountain at the heaven,
because I exceed the courses, that flew, at the blanket,
with which so from toys nicholas full sleighs and Saint.

And then in a sparkle, I heard on the blanket
this the done one, from, to jump, and the fact, to scratch from each small nail.
As I pulled my head and I rotated around,
he came during the Chimney sanctify nicholas with a border.

He will attract everything in skin, from their proof at its foot,
and his clothing becomes everything with the ash and the soot stained.
One package of toys, that it a hawker as
Summer on their backs and them threw, seems, that it opens alone his crate.

His eyes, as they glistened! His dimples, as happy!
His cheeks were wormy like, his nose as a cherry!
Small mouth be become hoist more in funny way like one,
I turn, and the beard on his chin was like her knows it snows.

The stump of a management, that it stopped hermetically in their teeth
and the smoke, the her top like one put on, ring.
He had a wide face and a small round stomach,
that fluctuated as he laughed, you of frost completely a bowl.

He was more cheerfully fat man and pleasantly a right the old elf,
and I laughed as I saw him despite myself.
A move of his eye and soon a rotation there was of their head
to know me that I didn’t have not only anything to fear.

He didn’t speak with the voice, but he went exactly at his work,
and he has all ground floors filled that then was turned with a push.
And the fact, to put thier fingers of his nose at the side,
and on the chimney, he rose when giving a sign of the head.

He have give more a pipe at their sleighs, jumped his team,
and she vanished everything she flew like the down of an iron top.
But I intended to shout the matter before I would see pits,
“the Christmas contentment at the everything, and at a whole maid harms”!